forgetting

I forgot how to do this. No really I did.

I forgot all the passwords, how and when in the process of actions to take photos, how to add a photo to this text and maybe somewhere along the way, what the point of all this was.

I guess I don't know what the point of this, or anything is today, funny that I'm here writing this to you not knowing why I'm here.

But you know, it was 2002 and when you buy any white girl a MacBook they are going to write a blog. And, by god, they are going to write a beautiful, stunning, otherworldly, Noble laureate level blog. The blog that will stun you into silence and make you want to be their friend.

And we would all make beautiful dinners and have the most gorgeous children and pets and take vacation upon vacation upon vacation. Showing the world to you in these tiny little moments.

Instagram wasn't around yet. I'm going to fact check myself on that so don't worry, but it definitely wasn't something that anyone cared about yet. It wasn't the basis of how our lives were supposed to be yet

We all had it in us, these luxurious lifestyles that we needed to curate and narrate and... berate you with? (I feel like it works, berate fits the rhyme, so, it stays.) To overwhelm You with the beauty of our existence. Like it would be something you would never ever ever could imagine. We were going to do that. We all were.

And then we all grew up. It's weird, it's so very weird. Growing up. weird and quick.

The other day at work I bumped into the first boy I fell in love with. I hadn't seen him for nearly 20 years. But there he was with his kids picking out bulk cashews, Right in front of me, this boy, now man, was right there. And it was like all of a sudden I was a sophomore in high school again and he had just left for college. This blink of an eye. Where you get to pause and see how fast things go.

Don't worry this isn't going to be some long diatribe about how time goes quickly and how ywe need to hug our children and live our lives and all of that crap because we all know it already.

We all see it when we look at the windows when we are at our jobs and we see it when we drive our cars and ride our bikes, when we schlep another kid to yet another soccer practice. When we make our way to the bank, when we make our way to the store, the post office, the doctors, the airport, the fridge in the night, the bathroom at that critical part of the movie, and yet we still forget that the world is around us.

How quickly we forget.

We forget so much

We forget first loves until they show up right in front of our faces.

We forgot that we only have so many days.

We forget there are woods to walk and mushrooms to find.

We forget we only have so many dreams and people we want to dream them with.

We forget to look up when there's a rainbow in the sky.

We are just so focused on other things.

Jobs and cars and taxes and final exams and dates and funerals and birthday parties.

These things that we promise we wouldn't focus on.

We promised that we would go and live these elaborate lives.

We promise that we would have beautiful dinners. We would have beautiful children and pets.

And we would take these vacations, these beautiful vacations, but now we have to go to jobs to pay for those vacations we may never take.

I'm not under the impression that my existence and my life and my everything is different than any of the other ones around me. And I'm not saying to you that I am brilliant and only pay attention to the rainbows in the sky or the clouds.

But, Oh, I do pay attention to them.

Things change, I suppose. Everything has a season. And here we are 20 years after the macbook showed up in my life, I am here, back again to write a beautiful, stunning, otherworldly, Noble laureate level blog. To show you the new.

To remind you of clouds and rainbows and gardens and projects and absolute disasters and maybe something that will reming you not to forget.

it will be a learning curve, bear with me, oh best beloved.

Because I guess I forgotten how to do this.